Monday, 16 February 2015

And like that she was F O U R.

Molly's birthdays always end up in a huge mix of emotions for me.

Will the day be wonderful enough? Did I get her enough? Will she be dissapointed? How do I make her day better? Why didn't I give birth to her in the summer so that she can have a sunny birthday? OMG my baby is another year older. OMG how do I have a baby? OMG IM STILL A BABY! How do I be a mother she's proud of? Not just when she's a toddler but when she's a woman? How do I follow my dreams and passions so she thinks I'm a good role model as well as be present for her now? Why am I crying? Will she see my crying? Am I giving her all my bad qualities? OMG time is running out - what do I do, how do I bottle this perfect bundle of love!?!?!?!?

And so on.

Anyway, her day went a bit like this: present opening, taking daddy to work for a half day while we play with her new presents, picking up daddy to go for ice cream, seeing Aunty Linsday and Uncle Tom, new bike helmet buying, Birthday money spending (under the watchful eye of the toy Nazi daddy), cake eating with Nanny and gangan, passing out. 

Yesterday, was her birthday gathering. I have learnt from this birthday that it is ALWAYS better to have the party before the birthday because then you have more gifts to open on the day and mummy doesn't over compensate. Ha! We've kept to only having big children's parties until she starts school, so last minute we finally decided to go to Pizza Hut, then Bowling. She's been asking to go since we couldn't go to Alfie's birthday bowling. 

This is the first year I've bought a cake and not made one. I still want tp punch myself in the face for not making one, since a) they're amazing, messy but amazing. And b) it was kinda a tradition. I would listen to music, Jamie would come in and tell me it looks shit and I would bake and think about my baby, maybe cry a little, drink some wine. But damn this kitchen it's so cold and isolated and I was just so exhausted I thought fuck it, and bought one. Molly chose it and was super happy so, there's that. We, I mean I also ate it all. So there's that too.

Happy Birthday Molly. You've made the last four years the best I could have ever hoped for. I love being your mother. I can't wait to see you take this next year in your stride soon to be SCHOOL GIRL!!!!! 

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